I'm just so angry. I'm tired of me and other people who are "different" being ostracized and kicked out of groups for our "protection". Or just being deliberately excluded for no particular reason or for a very superficial reason.

I hate that I have to explain that I have food sensitivities in order for some people to not just think I'm high maintenance. Everything social is around food so the first thing people find out about me is that I'm apparently "high maintenance". And food is a good way to exclude me...like a holiday cookie exchange that happened annually in a group I used to be in. The last time I went to a cookie exchange, I realized that the cookies I brought were the only ones I could eat without risking getting sick.

I hate feeling like I have to keep to myself when smells, sounds, and other things are physically painful or make me sick because I feel so guilty that other people would have to be inconvenienced in order for me to be comfortable. I've felt too guilty to say anything after being called "high maintenance" for the food issue. So I just suffer through it now.

And even therapists dismiss and misunderstand me. I'm not sure I'd feel confident enough to stand up to one right now to even communicate my needs. I'd only feel willing to go to a sex therapist and the closest ones are an hour away. :-/ I don't know what's actually "wrong" with me so it's not like I can find a specialist in another area.

So I can't relate to people, and therefore I'm ostracized. I'm different so I'm excluded. I can't give an organization all my time and energy because I decided to get a graduate degree and got into a relationship (and it took extra time and energy to figure out how to do well in a relationship) and frankly the last two things are my priorities, so then I don't feel as welcome in organizations. In the last three years or so, every time I've tried to make a friend and be more open to people, I'm just invalidated and used. People just pretend to be nice so I'll do their homework because I'm too naive to figure it out until it's too late. I don't mind helping people with homework if there's a mutual give and take and I'm just helping them, not DOING IT FOR THEM.

I've just resigned to trust no one unless they make an effort to show they're trustworthy. And most people aren't going to go to that much effort. I've been on here for years trying to figure out how people and friendships work and have realized that there are all these unwritten rules that I don't know and couldn't possibly know unless the other person tells me. And since they won't (as they assume people who can't read their minds and magically know the rules are terrible friends and everyone on here agrees with them!)

These are just some of the many reasons I'm angry...and there doesn't seem to be much help for people like me because it seems next to impossible to get anyone to even understand.

I guess what I'd like out of this thread is understanding and if there's anything I can do about it when I don't trust therapists. How would I get an accurate evaluation when I can't go to a psychiatrist (don't want to be forced or coerced onto meds until they're necessary for the safety of myself and others) because clearly my depression and anxiety are just reactions to a deeper issue. They both started when I was a small child. Treating depression and anxiety by themselves with meds never really helped me. And since I appear so high functioning in school which is what I've done pretty much my whole life (I'm intelligent and really good at adapting so those tend to cover up deficiencies) that it seems like I have no issues. Or that I "just have social anxiety" (as said dismissively by someone that I don't think was all that qualified after all evaluating me). Can I even go to a specialist in ASD/ADD to be evaluated for both, a sensory processing disorder, or something completely different or would they even waste their time since I don't officially have any of those disorders at this point? Would they even consider the new research done on females with high functioning autism that shows that it appears differently than it does with males because of different socialization as children?

But none of that would even matter if I would just be treated well and the same as everyone else. I'd love to have professors to treat me the same as other grad students and not pick on me or exclude me. That would be GREAT. Or here's a novel idea, just tell me what I did to deserve the treatment I got. Not all of us know...I can only guess! My tone was wrong maybe? I could only guess that because I actually finally got feedback from someone! And don't be passive aggressive...I've only recently begun to recognize it when it happens! And that's only because I'm expecting certain people to be jerks 100% of the time!