my situation is so messed up. i've been off and on with my ex-husband for the past 10 years. he keeps telling me he must marry someone from his own culture, and when i back off he comes running for me and does everything i want him to. recently i've been poking him about having a baby, and then he can go ahead and marry whomever he wants, because at least that way i'll always have a piece of him with me. he gets really scared because, if you haven't already noticed, he's a commitment-phoebe. then he start doing things he knows will hurt me on purpose so i back off. one of those things is also talking about his future wife, who still doesn't exist. we are both getting close to 40 yrs old. i know the obvious question is - why the hell are you with him? and that's a fair question. we divorced many years ago and had our own relationships, but always found our way back to each other for different reasons each time. so far, the fact is that he has not been able to love another, and neither have I. I don't know why I'm like that, I wish I weren't, I would do anything to get out of this black hole, but i can't force myself to love someone else. i've tried so many times, and broken so many hearts in the process. i just can't do it anymore. i don't know what to do with myself. the future looks so .... hopeless