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Originally Posted by dwr3
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I didn't post a question before, but now I may have one or two.
Two things that also bother me:
1. I fear men and feel a great discomfort around them, even the friendly ones. Men in my family were mostly angry and dominant, not acting with respect. I was shouted at constantly and put down for any mistake. One of my family members living in the same house was also physically dangerous. Also, since I've lost my weight and changed my style for more feminine, it happened that men started to be creepy and abusive towards me (including my driving instructor). Now, I have two creepy guys at work (and there were some situations also like bus driver and one of the bodyguards commenting heavily on my physical features and making some wrong suggestions) and they just make me so uncomfortable and panicky and I just need to deal with it as soon as possible. That leads to point two.
2. Boundaries. Is it possible for me to set appropriate boundaries, despite my anxiety and issues with not standardized, flexible behaviour? How to do it? I was never taught to have a right to boundaries and how to set them. My parents and other family members don't have it. My father doesn't care for consequences of his words and actions, my mother is extremely narcissistic and intrusive (just like her mother). When I was a kid, they were forcing me to share stuff I didn't want to share, to mess with my animals and my things and my everything, for example when my mother's brother came along with his son and wife. He was terribly brutal and insensitive with my pets, his son kept destroying my stuff and I was punished for reacting with anger to that. My mother made me borrow my bike and stuff like that to some strange kids I didn't know who just asked for it, she was telling me to kiss little boys because it was fun to her (I mean, it happened once and the boy actually bit me). Just some examples from childhood years. I never had my own room until I was 14. Even now, when I tell them that some men act inappropriately towards me, they just laugh it off.
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You must have added this later. I didn't see them when I responded. It doesn't sound like you had a heavenly childhood. My parents always told me to be grateful because of everything they did, but to me personally, all they did was caring for us physically. Otherwise, we were treated like animals. Actually, I think my father thinks he buys my freedom in exchange for his caring and expenses. It's outrageous.
Decent men will know the boundaries from your reactions, and of course will never make inappropriate remarks. Otherwise, you need to get someone involved, because those men who make inappropriate remarks don't respect the boundaries. Maybe being around people will prevent them from continuing that.
Do you think you can do anything legally against those men who make inappropriate remarks randomly? In the workplace, there should be someway to deal with this more easily. Have you tried to talk about this to your manager, for example? If your parents don't take you seriously, tell someone close who does. I imagine it's not easy and nice to deal with these things.