God, I want to, so ****ing bad. If only to make the memories stop. Make it all just stop.

I haven't done it, though. I'm trying to keep my fiance from worrying so much about me. I'm spending all my energy trying to show him I'm fine.

I'm not fine and I know that. My SI and flashbacks are running rampant back to back, on replay. Sooner or later, I'm going to give. I just hope I can stop once I start.