Thank you for your reply. I think it would be easier if I had more tools for dealing with people and less hypervigilance and social anxiety. I never feel comfortable around people, like I have no shield that separates me from them and their emotions. I sometimes even plan onto what I'm gonna say in a conversation that's highly possible to happen and only then I feel more at ease. Having spontaneous conversations is nerve-racking for me (not always, but often, mostly when it's a person of authority or someone I enjoy or despise). But I know it will never go away completely, and I problably have to use the desensitization method (which I found about while researching animal behaviorism and training). In the past job, where I also had to deal with the clients, it didn't happen for once that I was feeling completely at peace.

When it comes to my family, oh, it's a long long story full ot twists and turns. Especially from my father's side. Sticking to the topic, my grandfather from father's side is a perfect picture of highly functioning autism (undiagnosed, of course, however it could also stem from purely physical genetic disorders such as vitamin B intolerance - or other one, the doctors couldn't explain his case properly but it's a different story- and androgen issues that I inherited probably from them.). Apart from the behavioural and psychological symptoms, both me, my father, his father and brothers and their mother are characterized by harsh looks and incredibly intense eye gaze sometimes even considered as mean and a "bad-eye" in general and we share some other specifics too. And we're all obsessive-compulsive in nature and this has a long story. The most terrifying example is that my grandfather is so compulsive about saving money to the point he's actually starving himself (even though he has a lot of money) and living in a complete poverty. He was in jail, he is almost never able to communicate properly, and yet he is very intelligent and has an extreme memory and eye for details. It got worse now that my grandmother and his wife died, but it affected her too. His brother was so compulsive about drinking he stopped heating the house at one point and they had to cut his legs off due to gangrene. Let's say we're not an easy going family. But the World War and communism has also affected that, I think.