I get this feeling. I really do. I wonder sometimes if my fear of him being gone is more of a fear of my no longer being 'seen' by him. As in - yes, I DO fear him leaving or just disappearing in the mist....but if he did, what would that mean for ME? Well, for me, that would me I wouldn't feel seen anymore. I wouldn't feel seen and heard by someone on such a deep level. I wouldn't feel loved just for being who I am and accepted and understood..flaws and all. So while I do fear losing my T, sometimes I think I fear losing what I gain from him more than losing him (if that makes any sense at all).