My whole life is a big fake act...I was diagnosed w/ Bipolar I w/ Depression in September. Ever since then I've been pretending that I'm getting "healthier" and feeling more "balanced."

The reality, though, is that I miss the mania. I miss that freedom, and zest for life. Now waking up everyday is a drudgerous task. I have been unemployed for 6 months, living at home, trying to rebuild my marriage.

Coming down from mania is like being the victim of a cruel joke: you thought you were a hero, but in reality are a big fat zero.

Oh well, gotta get back to job hunting and "faking" interest in all these positions that are well below my true intellect and capability. I have to take low stress jobs that won't trigger mania like the last 5.