I'm so sorry for all the questions but I'm really struggling to figure things out right now. This will be a long post and I'm sorry. Hopefully a few of you will be able to get this the reading and provide thoughts and suggestions.

I think a little history, while seemingly unrelated is important so I appologize again for the length of this post. When my son was 2 weeks old he developed blisters in his pelvic area. When I brought him to the doctor the doctor said he thought it was herpes. Freaked me the heck out, making me think I had it and was the cause of my son having it. Turned out to be Staph and the local news broke a story about Staph outbreaks at the hospital my son was born in. Why would the doctor say such a thing with no evidence? At age six my son began bleeding from the rectum and it looked like he was menstrating in the toilet. His pediatrician said it was constipation which he confirmed using an X-ray. He prescribed Miralax daily. My son continued bleeding and became very sick. The doctor kept saying constipation ....by age 9 my son couldn't move without nearly passing out and was bleeding cups of blood every hour. His pediatrician wasn't in so we got an appointment with another doctor who looked at the X-ray....said no constipation was present in the X-ray my son's doctor claimed it was. She referred him to a specialist and he was soon hospitalized for over a month because of Crohn's disease. He needed emergency transfusions because he didn't have enough blood to support organ function and life. This was a scary misdiagnosis. He was on several medications to control it. I looked them up and found that the combo of 2 drugs he was on had studies indicating it increased risk of lymphoma. I talked to his doctor who shrugged it off. I worried but felt she must know what she was doing. She called me a few days later, told me she researched the studies, felt my concerns were valid and changed his treatment course. I could go on and on about the misdiagnosis of my family....my mom had colon cancer and they told her it was just stress. Her colon had a tumor wrapped around it which kept stool from even passing, she became toxic, nearly died but they then found the cancer and she is well. Thank goodness. My mom later developed severe panic attacks and the doctors said "stress". My mom called me one night and said "I'm afraid that when I wake up, I don't know who I will be". She went to the doctor and they found that her cholesterol was over 1200.....a stroke waiting to happen and had been like this for years without them telling her. They found the cause which is Graves' disease/thyroid issues and killed her thyroid which improved all symptoms.

Several years ago I started the mental health med go round. I kept having horrible side effects and my doctor said "you react to everything, there is nothing I can give you. Stop looking up side effects". I got a new doctor who said there were many other options of meds to try but told me not to research side effects. I can't complied and thought he might be right but I'd experience side effects THEN check and see and sure enough it was related to the med. I'm already sick and wanting these meds to help with that but instead it's like pouring salt into an open wound. If the meds helped, I'd accept the risk but they do not and make me less functional.

Recently I told my doctor I wanted to treat symptoms as they come and wean off when not needed because the side effects were killing me. He was obviously very pissed at me and demanded basically I stay on meds full time. I was basically strong armed psychologically into trying yet another med. Saphris. I haven't researched the side effect profile and will take and see what happens. But I'm uncomfortable with the demands that I not look up side effects. Some are very serious and I think I should know in advance if I should be looking out for something. What if these meds cause something permanent? Will my doctor who is bullying me into taking them pay the price? NO! When I discuss my concerns which my doctor over long term use and wanting to take only as needed he was noticably angry and annoyed. He told me I'm over inflating the significance of the side effects. My research indicates otherwise.

The doctors have been WRONG on so many things over the years. A lot of guess work is used. I have a right to be skeptical....I know my body and I'm the one who must live with the consequences of anything that happens. I want a say in my care and to get heard. I don't feel I have a med phobia for no reason and the doctors actions over the years have given me good reason to be on alert.

Maybe I just want to be heard on this....but I wold also appreciate advise of experience.