That's me, to a T! The last episode scared me so bad, I would have done anything to fix it. Once I'm normal again, I hardly even think about it, except to worry when it's going to happen again. I missed a counselling appointment a week ago and never called back. I just felt so hopeless, like there was no point in trying. I know I can't give up, though.
My room mate has a family friend who worked in a crisis centre for 30 years, and he talked to him about me to see if I was getting a raw deal. He says that because I was diagnosed and given lithium eight years ago, my doctor may be able to prescribe lithium again without my having to go to a psychiatrist. He also recommended a psychiatrist in my area that he trusts, not like the one that's out of the country all the time. I will still have to get a referral from my doctor to see him, though. I really don't want to have to talk to my doctor about this because of past experiences with him. I've been putting it off. But I can't keep doing that. It seems there's no other way now. So I'm going to call his office this week and see if I can get an appointment.
My fingers, toes and legs are crossed here!