Last year I got divorced, it was I who decided to leave my husband. I don't have regrets about my decision, although life on my own is sometimes very hard. On the surface I am an outgoing person, easy to be with, but inside I am terribly shy and insecure, I don't make friends easily, to be honest I don't have real friends at all, only acquaintances. I feel very lonely.

I am very insecure about my looks, I am no beauty, I know I am not the ugliest person on earth, but sometimes I'm not even sure about that. I suffered from this all 46 years of my life. It doesn't help to make new friends.

Then about 4 months ago I met someone on the internet, on a forum like this. We started e-mailing and we became real friends. I started to love him, it was mutual. We talked about meeting each other sometime which wouldn't be easy because he lives in the USA and I in the Netherlands. Then I got shy again because he would see how I look, so I told him he shouldn't expect too much. He pressed me for a photo, which I didn't want to send. I don't have any recent photo's and I lost a lot of weight since the last one was taken, so I look quite different now. But then I decided to take a picture with my webcam and send it. And guess: he didn't like it at all. He didn't want to tell me at first, he kept saying the picture was too hazy and didn't have enough contrast. I misunderstood his reply and pressed for more information. Then he told me he didn't find me attractive.

I don't know how to deal with it. All this happened a few days ago. I don't have the courage to go out now, I don't want to meet people. I called in sick at work and I'm locking myself in the house.

The worst thing is I can't talk about this to a friend, because it was my only friend who caused this.