Sorry your dad didn't treat you well. I understand what you are saying. I don't know where to put my hands when walking in front of people or in the subway, and I don't know where to look!! I always think I'm weird, and sometimes I blush in embarrassment. Fear of rejection is a major reason in avoiding people. I think I feel numb now and indifferent that I don't expect anyone to accept me, which is perfectly fine. If something happens accidentally, then let it be, by deliberately trying to approach people is not an option anymore. Unlike you I've had bad experiences with people.