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Fuzzybear said:
To nurture adults effectively, a delicate balance between support and more "assertive" caring is needed.


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Fuzzwad, the best example I can think of is the relationship between you and I. When you have a specific problem with someone, I validate your feelings (support), give you hugs and hearts (nurture). I even share some of the same feelings with you, and then tell you to ignore that person, or to do something to destract yourself from thinking so much about that particular problem.

When I get emphatic about you needing to stop a train of thought, obscessing about a certain occurance, etc., that is more "assertive" caring.

There is a lot more I could do in that area, but I don't feel that it's my place to do so because I don't know you in 3D and I'm certainly NOT qualified, but it's all done in my love for you.

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How do you think nurturing of adults takes place and when is the "line" to "codependency" crossed?


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This is Webster's definition of "codependency":

a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another

For me, it's not an issue of codependency. It's more an issue of "enabling". To continue to tell you over and over that you are right in the way you think or your perception of things, even though I know you aren't, is Enabling.

Neither you nor I have the need, in our relationship, to control the other. There are many people that do, though. Either they NEED to control you or NEED to be controlled by you (generally speaking). One, or both, are controlled by the emotions of the other person.

To "Nurture" someone, IMO, is to give them the things that were lacking in their childhood... if we're speaking of mental illness of any kind. If it's a relationship between two mutually healthy adults, then the giving and showing of affection, respect, consideration, to encourage them in what is best for them is nurturing... at least to me. (Remind me to tell you about "Jake" sometime. )

DISCLAIMER: This is to the best of my understanding. I'm sure there will be others that can explain it much better than I.

(I was once reamed a new one by a psychologist when I used the word "paranoid". He told me I should never use psychology terms so loosely. I still hold by my statement, though! )