Hey everyone! I'm a recovering alcoholic, 6 years now- 12 step program, meetings, sponsor, etc. When I've felt the urge to pick up I use my 'tools' and do not keep any liquor in my home. Over these years I've had a lot of stuff thrown at me by life's uncontrollable forces and have been backed into a corner. These become so overwhelming as they've affected basic parts of my life with no turning back which is when the f-it's come into play. My disease tells me that my life is not working for me, so why not just pick up? I feel like I've been shut out of my own life and don't know how to change it into something meaningful. I am so not where I want to or thought I'd be in life and know that my isms, defiance and thirty years of drinking had much to do with where I am now and can't be changed. I did have a lot of promise but just cast it aside. Depression has infiltrated much of my life, have been on different meds, now Zoloft has been working well for many years but I believe that no matter what meds I take I'd still be unhappy about where I find myself, along with the quandaries that crop up during those 'golden years'. The depression seems to be closing in on me. Does age exacerbate the problem?