Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Seesaw -
People with good healthy boundaries do not have to have zero contact with challenging people to maintain their emotional equilibrium. They exercize some prudent control over where they allow a conversation to go. I may not be skillful enough to do that with her. It may be that I have to simply not talk with her, if I'm going to avoid getting upset by her. I may have to accept that, and I'm leaning in that direction.
I hadn't previously set a boundary of not calling her. That hadn't been where the boundary of my choosing was. However, perhaps, it needs to be.
There are all kinds of strategies for maintaining boundaries. No contact is one strategy - the most primitive and the simplest . . . but not the only possible strategy.
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I don't think cutting contacts with people, who aren't good company for us, is a primitive strategy.
I think we often cannot completely cut contact with people (family or people we live together), then you develop strategy of limiting contact or finding topics to take about etc but if it's not a family member and not someone you must see, then why maintain contact if it's not pleasurable? I think it's very logical conclusion to just not hang out with these people.
You described questions you ask this woman, it appears like they are "small talk". I personally intensely dislike small talk and if that's all I can talk to this particular person, then I am out. It doesn't appear meangful enough to maintain it.
Imho it either has to have depth of meaningful conversation or it has to be mutual interest that leads to spending time together (like you bike or paint or do crafts or watch and discuss movies together). Other than that I personally don't see any need in keep talking to this "friend"
Imho