Hi RJ, sorry you are struggling so much. Try not to think that because you were not diagnosed correctly for so many years that it means that it affects your ability to seek treatment and support now. It's not surprising you went undiagnosed/was misunderstood for 23 years either, the effort to understand PTSD and even come up with an understanding of beneficial "trauma therapy" has been something that was not available 23 years ago. It's important you don't feed into the "I missed the boat" mindset or that you are alone when it comes to being challenged with relationships. Actually, the relationship forum tends to be the busiest forum on this site.

As far as your not having a chance to be a part of your daughter's life for so long, well, maybe that was for the better because you were struggling and confused and that is not something children can understand. As she gets older what you can do is focus on understanding yourself and the challenge of PTSD until you can get to a point where you can write her a letter telling her how much you missed her and that you do love her but you were struggling and it has taken you time to understand your struggle because the help you needed was not there for you when you needed it. The fact that PTSD has been such a focus and there has been an increased effort to understand it and find ways to treat it will provide you with proof that she can actually research and see what you are telling her is a "reality". She may not be old enough to understand how to appreciate whatever you write "now", but eventually she will be old enough and what is gained in research will provide more understanding of what the challenge really means.

As far as your coming across individuals who react badly towards you? This behavior is fueled by lack of knowledge and fear and anger because of that lack, this behavior is a reflection of others, and not your own failure or personal challenge.

If you sit and consider what takes place when someone is badly wounded in battle, what happens, is that individual tries to crawl away from the action and when it comes to others who were trained to fight alongside you, they are trained to pull you to safety away from the line of fire/battle right? Well, that is actually based on our basic animal instinct where if you think about it, most animals would look to find a safe place to recover from an injury. This is basic survival instinct. PTSD is also an injury, it's just not an injury that can be seen by others. However, as you have recognized, the symptoms are to "avoid" and isolate and there is a lot of sensitivity. Well, that is our brain's effort to recognize an injury and with that a desire to withdraw to self protect.

When a soldier is injured to a point of being overwhelmed and is taken out of active duty, they can gain a sense of safety, however, that doesn't "fix" their injury and degree of sensitivity and feeling overwhelmed. Actually, when I joined this site I came across a vet who was struggling and one thing he told me is that he hates it when civilians say "welcome home". I thought about that and I suggested to him that what if he focused on that and came up with what he would like others to say to him. Some time went by and he came back and said to me "you know what, what you suggested is a lot harder than I thought it would be". I will never forget that vet because what he did not realize is that he saved my life. He has not been active for a long time now, so I hope he is getting the help he needed and is doing better.

I am not a vet, but I do have PTSD and one of the big challenges I had been faced with, am even struggling with now is that I never actually got a chance to be taken off the battlefield I had faced that broke me down into suffering a post traumatic breakdown. When I met that vet I was struggling so badly and so utterly confused and was dangerously suicidal. This vet told me to pay attention to how the suicidal urges can come on like a wave, be strong, yet that they also receed and go away. Because of him telling me that I paid attention and was able to recognize he was right. I fought through these most dangerous cycles for several months, and I got lucky in that I came across a therapist who actually understood trauma, the symptoms, and how to treat trauma patients. Before that I had not found the right kind of help, I really struggled "alone" for 4 years and it's hard to look back on that time knowing what I know now about PTSD and what is important in treatment to help a patient so they don't get worse, because I could have overcome that post traumatic breakdown instead of progressing not only further into PTSD, but also developing complex ptsd as well.

I don't care for the "you were a survivor" line tbh. I did have a lot of traumas in my life, and they do go all the way back. I resented being told I was a survivor and incredibly resiliant and that was because I was having flashbacks from my past and I felt that if I was a survivor, why was that happening?

It took me a long time to understand "why" I was experiencing these flashbacks and what that meant. It took me time to understand myself on a much deeper level. It's very hard to articulate the way the injury of PTSD can affect someone on such a deep level. What it's like to want others to understand how challenging it is, and feels so lonely because the reality is that others won't understand it unless they experience it first hand. The "anger" that presents with PTSD is from the "frustration" it presents, the frustration of not being able to articulate it so others can actually respond with the kind of validation that is so important to the one who is struggling. That is part of what this vet was saying when he talked about hating it when others said, "welcome home". Also, what I believe this vet wanted to say/articulate is what the trauma he endured took from him and how that changed his ability to truely feel "welcome when he returned home".

You have expressed that you may not fit in if you make the effort to attend a support group for vets at the VA. Actually, you might fit in better than you think. And that is because these others will have challenges that you know are hard and even harder to articulate to gain the kind of validation that can bring a sense of relief. That doesn't mean the challenge just disappears either, what it does mean is having a chance to be around others who understand the challenge itself. Alot of your challenges are actually challenges many of these other individuals have too. However, from what I have learned is that a lot of these individuals are not necessarily getting together to relive or feel the pain so much, but to be understood "if" they do and to also be with others who are trying to find ways to live their lives in spite of the challenge. It's a different kind of "leaving no man behind".