I work at a city funded high intake animal shelter, we try and save all the animals that come in but animals are euthanized on a regular basis, daily in the warmer months.

I don't physically euthanize any animals and I don't physically choose the animals that get euthanized but very close friends / co workers of mine do and I can't imagine what they go through.

My job is to find a live exit for them and sometimes I can't. I feel sad and I have bpd so I think I'm making impulsive choices that are not good for me because I am in emotional pain from my past I haven't even dealt with fully, now I have pain from work.

I love what I do saving as many cat lives as possible but sometimes it's so sad and difficult to be involved in this line of work.

Idk why I'm posting this, maybe just for the first time I'm accepting I need to get help for the way I feel related work. I only got to a psychiatrist, I think I need to go back to psychotherapy too.