I feel I don't belong to this world, not to any part of it. I feel like a stranger passing through the untraveled paths to death, and I don't mean paths that are talked about when people talk about success and hard work, but I mean untraveled paths that leads to no where but to a small grave. These paths are also untraveled, because everyone else seems to have something in this life, even if is troubling sometimes or most of the time. Nothing I do or have makes me a human being. I read posts of people with all sorts of MIs, but still they've managed to have families, partners, friends, activities, .. they have something. This makes me feel so bad. I just watch life, not living it. Some may say I don't want to live as if I have the option as someone alluded before, but the reality is I cannot. I don't like the idea of dying alone and doing nothing. When I watch YouTube videos to distract myself, my eyes often tear because all I can see is that people are living and having fun, and begin asking myself, why not me? What's wrong with me? I think I'm fit physically, and intelligent. I don't like social interactions, but I'm not rude to people either, and try to help if I can, and have actually people telling me I'm a nice person, including my current employer/supervisor (although I feel I don't deserve that, because I don't feel I'm a nice person). But still, I'm unnoticed and marginalized most of the time. There is something holding me back, and makes me feel hopeless, helpless, and paralyzed, and not going after life and be part of the "game".