I'm done! What people don't understand is that just because I'm receiving help doesn't mean everything will always be okay! I can't talk to my friends because they think I'm completely fine! My dad gets mad at me because I "should be totally fine by now" WHY don't people understand? I still feel like ****! And no I am not getting better. I don't want to reach my 16th birthday. It's only a few months away. I don't think things will ever get better. I just want to die so bad. I want to be over. I have been feeling so horrible and nothing helps. I've tried so many medications, tried therapy, NOTHING WORKS. I'm so done. I'm tired. I'm just so tired of everything. I feel like I have nobody to talk to. I have a secret "depressing" account on Instagram and theres like a million people on there and I have 2 thousand followers on that. I have some friends on there but I can't talk to them. I don't want them to feel sad. I know people care. I know people would be sad if I leave. It's not that. I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm not staying strong for myself, I'm staying strong for others. And I'm sorry, but I can't hold on anymore. People are telling me it'll pass, and I know for some it will, but not for me. Don't tell me it will, because it won't. Don't tell me my thoughts are being distorted by depression, because I can see the truth. Honestly I've been trying so hard for so long. Nobody understands. I understand that people know I'm struggling, I know that psychiatrists would think that my thoughts are being distorted and that I can't see is that living is the best option and that once I beat depression I'll look back and see that I should be glad that I survived. They know it's painful, but they don't know what that FEELS like. It's ****ing torture. I am struggling, and I can't hold on any longer. Yes, suicide is a "permanent solution for a temporary problem" but I can't get through the temporary problem. I don't care if its temporary. I can't get through this. I give up. I really do. I am so done. I'm. ****ing. Done.