Well, if I say a bit about my experience, it may help.
I had repeat attraction to Ns and a various assortment of abusive men. they, it turned out were my drug. this is different from you and voN, my story seems less excusable as I jumped in with all my instincts in alarm, I knew I was heading for damage, but the need/ desire overrode other things. It could be that any repeated attraction to Ns is something to do with whats inside us, its just a variation of the degree.
I later found out I had a pd, shciziod (selfinexile), which let me know that what was happening was - the empty needy child inside me goes into service to the empty needy part of the N. For me, my 'selfinexile' was already there, engagement with Ns of various sorts was how it expressed itself.

What I understand about recovery is that its more about working to change ourselves to keep our own behaviour healthy so that all our relationships, wether with Ns or a bit Nish, have more of a chance, if there is any chance going at all. Thats not to say we are 'gooder or nicer', it can mean whatever is healthy in any given circumstances.
there are a few of us working together for recovery specifically from these issues. let me know if you want some info. (calling it self in exile, not schiz).

best to you and child on the way.
river.