Humpty Dumpty I just read your "why I don't trust doctors" post and I can sure understand why! You have not been treated with dignity and compassion by the medical profession and I can see why you don't want to be involved with them in any way. But that sure limits your options for getting help. The only ones I see are:
1) DIY (books, online meditations, dvds on dealing with depression, researching herbal and organic treatments like vitamin D, SAM E, light therapy, Emotional Freedom Technique, etc). It's a hard road to walk
2) alternative medicine (holistic practitioners who are not medical doctors but people who offer things like Traditional Chinese Medicine, Healing Touch, Native American therapies
3) rely on calling crisis hotlines/chats frequently
Or
4) do nothing. But I think you know where that leads

Sending healing thoughts to you in the hopes you find your way to a better day