I'm glad to hear you're in a 12 step program...& I'd imagine that other folks' experiences give you at least a little hope. I'm 55 & went to my first meeting when I was 20; I've been in & out of the program a few times & can also blame many of my life issues on the fact that I drank despite deeper bottoms. I'd feel like a jerk suggesting a review of certain steps, so I won't. There are certain steps you might review & enough newbies at meetings to help gain perspective on what might happen if you decide to go back out, though. Each bottom for me got worse...& I don't know if I've got too many bottoms left before I wind up an the streets or dead. That's just me, however. I wish you luck in getting over your funk. From what I've seen & heard, "funky times" are pretty normal in the program. To be honest, though, the older I get & the more meetings I attend, the less likely I am to desire a drink...dual-diagnosis, or not.