My first true manic and mixed episodes, which occurred about 15 years old, was the scariest for me not knowing what in the world was wrong with me, but that's not to undermine the seriousness of other episodes that ended up causing a lot more damage in the long run.

I guess only time will tell. For a little while, I thought things were getting better, but things have been shaky over the past six months. People try to keep me positive that the time will come where I experience some kind of stability, but seeing is believing for me. My therapist and pdoc say that once my meds are right, I'll be able to apply the right tools, but it's hard not knowing what the future brings. Especially since we've been playing with my meds for months now...up doses, down doses, adding new meds...it has my mind spinning even more. It's been a bumpy road, but that's Bipolar for you.