I'm at the brink of what I can take, I have no one to talk to. I recently started birth control to help with horrible pms, I wonder if this is causing my terrible mental state. My husband wants me to wait until February to see if my mood stabilizes, but I made an appointment with my doctor for Thursday because my moods are at the point that I'm scaring myself. I spend so much of my day yelling at my children who don't deserve such a pathetic mom. I'm angry and wired and depressed. I can barely function to make sure they're eating.

I'm afraid and I have no one to talk to that truly understands. I need to be in therapy but I can't even get myself together enough for that. I don't know what to tell my doctor. He doesn't want to prescribe antidepressants because of the likelihood to induce a manic state but I so desperate to get out of this darkness. It feels like I'm being suffocated by the darkness.

I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish with this rant! Waiting for my xanax to kick in to hopefully get a couple hours of sleep.

Diagnosed Bipolar 1
Lamotrigine 200mg
Gabapentin 1500mg
Xanax. 1-2 mg as needed