I am fragmented. If you haven't picked up on that yet. Dxd with DID..but I think OSDD is slightly more accurate now. Some partial integration has occurred but I've been told there are still parts that have presented that I have no awareness of some DID still I guess...
Sorry bit off topic. I wanted to talk about being highly empathetic. There are parts of us that are. My mother has told us from birth she knew that there was something "off" about me. The Dr. told her I was,what some book that was all the rage at that time dubbed, a highly sensitive person. Which I think may have made us more susceptible to fragmenting. Childhood was much different. Not a single friend til high school I think. My mother has said when we were from infancy to somewhere before school age or right around extremely sensitive to every kind of stimuli especially others emotions..lots of crying anxieties into relevance to tons of physical stimuli and very friendly but very vulnerable as well. Then she said she was surprised when she got a report from preschool I think.. socially withdrawn. No interest in group activities...would participate in the learning aspect of the group activities but outside of the circle. Was indifferent blank stare to other's emotions when directed at me both good and bad..but would burst into tears when witnessing another child get hurt or cry. Then her later accounts get all over the map. Duh. But when we ever asked her about early trauma/abuse, she gets angry and defensive and says that nothing ever happened to us..other than being a selfish, spoiled, ungrateful child who never cared about others feelings...our mother is an Alcoholic Narcissist...so can't get a straight answer ever out of her...nothing ever happened because admitting that she knew of or even suspected anything would be admitting to failure on her part..She can not ever be wrong. So we are just all wrong bad..problematic since birth...the rotten apple that spoiled the whole bunch. I am the one who took all of it. The berating and scapegoating and blame. I was the shield. I had to be numb. Then she threw us at a therapist and theatre coach at 8. "Too fix us" because she was exashauzted from having to put up with us....whatever I digress...So, I don't really remember therapy?? Not my job I guess, but theatre became my life. I learned how to literally mimic others behaviors...just like you stated that you can socialize when nesacary by wearing "a mask". By high school I had to evolve a bit. I took on the social duties as well as the familiar interactions. I am/ was is should say, what is referred to as the "Apparently Normal Part" from what information has been gathered and memories that have been regained..as far as I know we were originally 3 parts..but I've been told there is some contention on that point. But from my memory 3. 2 ANPS and 1 EP. I have had many aspects of my job change but always the protector first and foremost. And to protect was to not appear abnormal. I did not hide in the background. I tried to appear to be just like everyone else. To fit in. I could be a wallflower when younger because the other ANP dealt with all things academic. And because this was her only concern...well, needless to say..we were not that popular. I would jump in when we got bullied and made fun of was always in defensive mode. But high school was different. New school new classmates and required me to get us there..public transit..so before we ever even walked in the door..I had to quickly learn to adjust my stance..because apparently we were good looking..not being vain..tho I am a bit..but honestly that day is etched into my memory more than any other single thing that ever happened...because it was bizarre and totally shocking. Never give a single thought to what we looked like at all...ever. mirrors were for brushing teeth and practicing choreography also for correcting tongue positioning and mouth jaw exercises/shapes for vocal lessons, but other than when applying stage make up...never really look at the whole or the eyes..too surreal...bring on DP/DR episodes. And EP was afraid of them entirely..so none in our room ever. But suddenly I was popular??!!..I can't talk about this more because I can feel the room starting to shift and I have a feeling about what is being triggered and no. No way. Not happening. Not gonna let vapid 14 out...it's just embarrassing. I will regroup.jump ahead to later soon.
~S.♡☆