Embarrassed and past the point of no return so it seems...
(FML)...I am so disjointed and disregulated..I actually hate myself right now!...and I never say that..cuz I'm pretty damn awesome usually. But I am losing my damn mind!! Aarrgh! Trying to maintain control when all bloody he'll is breaking loose inside and out?? I have been doing my job for ...well ever!...and all my experience is now useless...I protected us all...but I never needed to protect myself...my she'll was always too hard too thick..nobody could penetrate..I did not get emotionally involved or attached to anyone except my charge. I never saw him coming...hit me like a freight train when we met. I tried every possible way to avoid that boy....I knew that he would break me...Congrats, Rockstar!...you broke the unbreakable...Here's another thing I never have said before...I think I need to be hospitalized...or at least gagged. No its not funny..it's not possible. I'm not Holly. Only Holly gets us hospitalized. I don't get depressed!! I don't get emotional!!...but besides still remembering being me and hating having to answer to birth name because I am very attach to my name..probably the only one who really cares...other than that I'm not me really that much...I feel like a weird loopy drugged me at best :/.... at worst I am literally losing it...I'm just gonna have to keep trying to remember who I used to be..when I was Frikin awesome. And push all this weird icky emotional stuff down. He's gone. I will not allow him to get under my skin when he's not even around me or talking to me or anything...I will regain who I was. It's the only way to fix all this nonsense! I won't stand for this crap anymore!!
~S☆..no more♡..I'm carving it out and locking it up. DONE AND DONE.