I think (don't quote me lol) that the actual law in New Jersey is 16, I know the age of consent is 16. Even if it's not I know that the judges in NJ listen to what the child wants if the child is 14 or older and usually will grant custody to whichever parent the child wants to live with, as long as the parent is a fit parent. And that's my problem, my ex went around telling everyone that I cut (accordingly to him, VERY badly, which is a lie, it's scratches at the most)that I have uncontrolled Bipolar Disorder (another lie) and can't even take care of myself, never-mind my daughter. He also went around telling everyone that I am an alcoholic (if I drink twice a year it's a lot for me) and a drug addict because I (in the past) abuse the prescription pain medication. What really sucks is that he doesn't have to prove this stuff, I have to PROVE HE'S WRONG, it's not fair. And I don't want to drag my daughter into the fight and he would, he loves to use the kids as pawns, to have control over me. But I hope to get a 2 bdrm apt soon and if I do, I am going to go for custody of my daughter because yesterday she told me that she got into an argument with her father and when she tried to deescalate it by going into her room, he followed and raised his hand like he was going to hit her. He has never hit the kids before but he has hit me in the past, I think the only reason why he didn't hit her was because is gf got him to leave the room and go cool down.