I can relate. I smoke marijuana daily, it's my self-medication until I find psych meds that will actually help me. But even once I get to that point, I probably won't ever quit smoking, because I enjoy it. Not sure I'm at the point of addiction, but I may be blind.

Just from your post, I think I can relate more with your cocaine use. I use it very rarely, just like my use of opiates. But I know there is addiction there. I know that I can't let myself start seeking either drug out on my own, because I'll get lost to them. And I definitely fear letting go of my use. I get panicky thinking about never using again. I've gone the route of NA meetings before, I've talked to my therapist about my use, and I know how treatment programs work. But I still don't want to give up, and everyone says that you can't change until you're ready. So what I try to do is slowely taper into being more healthy. I try to do something positive to cope when I want drugs, before I turn to them. I think that's been helping.