Oh, wow, what a thorny thicket. I hear your concerns. I have a 13 year old daughter who has been in therapy for 8 months. Our situation is a little different as I am not convinced my daughter wants to continue therapy and I am uncertain as to what benefit she has received, but I would love to know if she has, or what the therapist perceives as would be helpful to her.

You say that you had goals for your daughter in therapy. I wonder if your goals for your daughter were the same as her goals for therapy? Possibly, you may believe your goals have been met, but the therapist and your daughter are working on her goals, which may have not been met.

I have had to struggle a bit with the ideas of "my goals" for my daughter's therapy. I do not feel that my goals have been met, and I am not sure they are working in therapy on "my goals," nor am I sure they should be. I wouldn't like it if some outsider came into my therapy and told me to work on something else. Yet, she is a minor and I am the parent. It is an area of confusion for me.

I have felt frustration at times that I am not more cognizant of what goes on in therapy with my daughter. But her therapist is very strict on respecting client confidentiality. I believe she is only obligated by law to tell me if my daughter is harming or contemplating harming herself or others.

I realize now that my daughter's therapist is really not the sort of practitioner I should have chosen for her. I should have picked a family therapist who was used to working with more than one family member. It would be really useful to have a session here and there WITH my daughter to work on family problems.

Could you have a session together with the therapist and your daughter to work out this issue? What would you and your daughter think about decreasing the frequency of the therapy sessions?

I do believe the parents have ultimate authority over whether the child is in therapy, as they have legal responsibility for their children and are the ones who pay the bills. The therapist cannot force you to continue therapy for your daughter. You can tell her you are no longer willing to pay, and I bet she won't offer to continue seeing your daughter for free.

As I said, this is a thorny issue! I have no good answers. If you can believe this, my husband and I are getting together with my therapist later this week, a guy who sometimes sees us for couples work as well, and our topic is going to be my daughter's therapy and whether she should continue. That's how important the issue is to us. We are getting professional advice on it. Since my daughter's own therapist is unable to discuss this matter with us freely due to her confidentiality restrictions, we are seeking professional advice elsewhere.

I am very respectful of the therapist-client relationship and don't want to yank this away from my daughter if it is truly helping her at this challenging time (my husband and I just separated and the kids are now commuting between 2 homes). I remember here on PC some months ago there were a number of posts from a teen whose parents were making her terminate therapy. Her posts were heartbreaking. It was done suddenly, no tailing off in session frequency, and with less than a week's notice. The teen was despondent.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The therapist could not give me a specific reason why she thought my daughter needed to me there, other than saying how she is a safe outlet for my daughter to vent her emotions, and how she can be somewhat like a parent.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Therapists often assume a role of "parent" to their clients, even when the client is an adult! I wouldn't be disturbed by this comment. It is just how therapy works, and it doesn't mean the T does not think you are a parent to your daughter. Heck, at my last couples session, my T even referred to himself as sometimes acting in a parent role with both of us, and we are both over 40!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
While my daughter has developed a relationship of trust with the therapist, I have only developed distrust.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I hope you can meet with the T and your daughter to sort this out.

Take care.