I can relate to this. I don't remember how I felt as a child, but I think I was also isolated and autonomous. But was respected also, because I was known to be smart at school, but also because I didn't allow anyone to bully me when they tried to. But that's how I feel now. I'm indifferent what people say or feel about me and I think it's not genuine, or I think they will hurt me if I allow it in, and I simply ignore it, but I usually get emotional seeing someone hurt or having a bad time, and I try very hard not to hurt anyone, and if I did (we all can hurt at times, especially when we are hurt. We aren't gods), I would go to them and try to make things right and apologize. I actually once made an accidental connection with a secretary in our department after I got angry with her because I felt she didn't treat me well and I didn't do anything to her. But I felt so bad afterward, so I returned and apologized, and told her that she was dealing with all kind of students, and probably had a bad day. She accepted my apology, and I left. After that, she treated me as a special student. Whenever I went to see the chair of the department, she allowed me in before all students. I remained not sociable with her. I wasn't striking small talks with her. All I was doing saying hi, and sit down in the office quietly. But she would call me by my name, and let me in. She also once intervened in a problem I had with the chair of the department through the dean of the faculty, but she couldn't do anything because the dean couldn't do anything. She tried to do something, at least.

Nothing you said upset me. I appreciate all you posts. Thanks