What do you mean "At such odds with yourself"? Accepting myself means I remain alone in this world, which makes me feel lonely and bored sometimes, and somehow less of a human. We need connection, intimacy, love ... etc. Even hermits go to the Church on Sundays and talk to the monks. But the way most people activate these needs doesn't work with me. I feel people are deceptive in their ways to get these needs. It sounds contradictory to prefer to be alone and feel lonely. But maybe they aren't. I don't want to learn some superficial social skills that doesn't come from my essence. I failed connecting with people because I force myself to be someone else. I want to remain the same, and be accepted as I am, rather than feeling subjugated and conform to some rules and norms just to feel I belong and accepted. It feels confusing sometimes even to me, but as I write these things it becomes a little more clear.