After telling my therapist i almost had a nervous breakdown last week, he told me i couldnt email him anymore.

He did this with texts a year ago, but it was fine. I understand. But I dont understand why, when i need more support, he takes away support. Hes always allowed the emails. We talked and agreed upon no angry emails after an episode that led to a rupture, so its not about that.

He mentioned he might not be the best therapist for me, main reason is that i need to come twice a week, not once. I cant afford that. I cant even remember the other reason right now. Now i remember the other reason- because hes not a therapist who works outside the treatment frame. But he is-he did it for three years.

I feel so unstable now, couldnt have been a worse time for him to do this.

When i first met him, i had multiple losses in a short period of time, plus my dreams were crushed. Surgeries. Lots of things. I was so depressed, i couldnt get out of bed. Now 3 years later, im supposed to be a changed person.

It seems like hes purposely making himself not the best therapist for me. I need support more than ever, so hes taking it away.

Hes slowly abandoning me. I feel like im losing it now. And that im going to lose my job. And kill myself. Why after all 3 years, why now take actions that make me worse off? I feel more unstable than after PTSD trauma.

All i did was ask him if we coukd agree upon a short email or call if i was in crisis like this. This involved an introject experience, that doesnt happen that often.. He always takes things away after i ask for them.

What i mean is, like before, i told him it made me feel really good when he used a certain soothing voice. So he never talked like that to me again. Lots of small things like that.

I asked him today for an occasional email or call if in crisis, and now i cant email at all.