It's very simple, you confessed your sins and he CHOSE to stay. He does not get to then use your past as a stick to beat you with.
He is being abusive.
You definitely need help, but his behaviour is triggering yours. It's hard to undo a lifetime of learned behaviour.
He also needs help to stop his abusive behaviour.
It will take ALOT of work in couples therapy to fix this, if you really think it's worth it. If he doesn't agree to go then that tells you pretty much everything you need to know about wether he actually wants to resolve things or just likes to keep emotionally torturing you.
All the best, I hope you find the strength to make the right choices for yourself.