So, I have two Ts. The second one is a really good match for me except for one thing. She will NOT provide contact between sessions. She says her job is to help during sessions to help clients NOT need that contact, and, understandably, she says she also needs that time to take care of herself. T1, who no one here likes, allows and encourages contact between sessions, which is one of the very main reasons I keep her around. Because I'm not stable enough yet, and don't have regular people in my life (including my family and husband) who are a support to me. The only person I've ever had in my family is dying as I speak. I don't know how I will go on without him.

Anyway....I just need to get past this. I did Email her yesterday morning to tell her I was canceling our session yesterday, because I've been sick with a cold this week. In that Email, I also told her my grandfather is now coughing up blood, and will be leaving us soon. She did respond, acknowledging the cancelation, but said nothing about my grandfather. Not receiving any kind of out-of-session contact just feels SO cold to me. Especially when I share something like this. I feel so alone in the world...and now the one person who raised me, who was always a huge part of my life, is leaving this world. I wasn't asking for a thread of Emails...it just would have felt good enough having her acknowledge I said that, even just an "I'm sorry," or "I'm thinking of you." When I think about leaving T1, I wonder how/if I will be able to deal with ZERO contact between sessions. (except for scheduling purposes).

To anyone else who desires it, but T won't give it to them, how do you cope? Do you just get used to it? I guess I would be stronger if I didn't have so much going on in my life.... but I'm now at a time where I crawl into my rabbit hole and hide. Sometimes I would love to see a hand reaching in, to help me get out.

I would never ask for daily contact or anything.... and I don't call my T's at all, nor text, it would only be Email. To me, the least invasive form of communication. It just feels so cold..... I know I'm very emotional and vulnerable right now.... I wouldn't ask for it all the time, but while I'm dealing with my grandfather dying, it would be nice to know someone is thinking of me.

That feels selfish, but I've been told in therapy I need to become more selfish...so I'll let it be said.