I have been thinking about this all week. Things improved after a CBT course - tremendously. But all those coping skills I learned are just not working. My anxiety is sky rocketing. It's been this bad only two other times - both resulting in hospitalization. Hang on woman, hang on, I have been telling myself over and over again. I remind myself I'm not neccessarily being ignorred. It seems everyone has their own crises. I have realised I am partly to blame for the lack of support coming my way. For weeks I have been carrying the weight of everyone else's worries on my shoulders being the one to provide to them steadfast support. Now when I do in fact need it most they too are at the height of their own troubles. I've had to withdraw some of the support I have been feeding everyone else. I just can't manage it anymore. It means finally some of them have stopped and realized little old me needs them too.

So how do I manage and keep going on. Because those very same people still need me. So too I begun to speak up and get - despite the grotesque fear to advocate - the help, the aswers, the details, the possible treatments and prognoses.