I read your story and I feel that your being too hard on yourself in the first place. Past actions do influence the future within the realm that you live in and that maybe difficult to deal with. You said that your "wrong" also had to do with your ilness. In this respect I feel that to the extent it has to do with your ilness - you as an individual are powerless - because you did not chose to be ill and the way society is - most people make bad choices - and for some this results in mental ilness - in combination with coping with "normal" difficult circumstances - that in essential are not natural for human beings but are an accepted reality - in combination with maybe something you were born with. If your surrounding do not understand that you could try to explain - and maybe they are willing to listen. Furthermore, if you made mistakes based on being a not so nice a person - Then can make the choice today - to change or start changing these aspects about you - that ultimately keep people at a distance from you. Furthermore, no matter on what level of ilness you are and how it is effecting your social contact - there is always a world of people out there - that are willing to be part of your life. In my opinion this is 95% absolute truth. Ultimately, if you are lonely - you have the need to be around people and especially people that care about you and/or be in meaningful contact with others - social media and other online media also help in this respect and so does a pet in more ways than one - especially one that you can go outside with. Remember, from my perspective no matter how you are and all the mistakes you made - you can only let that define you as a person. By making positive choices and chosing a positive state of mind or aspiring for it - it will be easier to make positive choices and make your life better a little bit everyday. True communication and interest in others - listening to their problems and issues - having a genuine interest in others - will also help you build meaningful relationships I feel. I hope that you find wisdom in a percentage of what I am saying and that any aspect of what I am saying that you do not agree with at all you don't let it influence you negatively. By helping others - like your neighbors - with anything - that you can do - can also be a start - for improving social relations - just like any club or activity where you may find like minded people. In essence it is your choice to be lonely and stay lonely is my opinion - There are a gazillion - things that you can do... By doing you will start feeling better...Maybe not immediatly - but over time almost guaranteed! This is my 2 cents and I hope I helped a bit.