Thank you so much for that very helpful answer!

I would like to try meds but still they won't give me any. They say that there is something not quite typical about bipolar in me. I am not sure what they mean, I think it is about the length of my episodes. I have been hypo for two months before getting this cold and I think it can be a usual length for an episode but my t said I was changing so "fast". Anyway, they won't give me any other dx, so we stick to - a little bipolar but not completely.

You may be right about me downplaying my symptoms, especially drugs, alcohol and hypersexuality. On the one hand, I want them to know, so they can help me. On the other hand I feel very ashamed of some things that I came to do when I was feeling hypo. I do show all the major signs of hypomania and I was underlining strongly the racing thoughts because they are what makes me suffer most. They have not seen me depressed yet, though, and honestly I don't hope they will very soon. When I got there the first time I'd say I was probably mixed though and my t also confirmed I appeared very different now. Let's see what she says next week when I appear anxious instead of "oh my god all the plans I made for my perfect life". Anyway, it is like an automatism that I seem to hold down all the strange things I experience as soon as I am in front of a therapist. Like something in me was shutting down and saying: No, you are not gonna show this part of you.