Echos- thanks so much for sharing your experience with me here. You are inspiring. I admire people who know what they want, set a goal, then do what they want despite all the adversity.
My therapist said there are no personal issues involved, so I have to believe him.
What you asked here is one of my primary struggles-is this therapeutic? That matters the most. Even if it doesn't feel like it, this it what it comes down to.
It feels the same for me-trauma. And I sit here and think it has nothing to do with him. Intellectually, I can separate this out as not having to do with him personally, but that doesn't change the trauma feelings. And I wonder-if your brain is feeling the same trauma feelings from childhood, does that mean your brain doesn't know the difference; hence, you are actually being re-traumatized by feeling the original trauma feelings?
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Originally Posted by Echos Myron
T1 began to handle boundaries in a more and more withdrawing way because I was attached to him and he was struggling to handle my feelings. I felt worse than when I started. There was more going on in his personal life which contributed and I wasn't getting effective therapy any more. It's nothing to do with him being a good or bad person or anything. It wasn't working. I wasn't getting therapy.
The question I had to ask myself (and I believe we should all ask ourselves in therapy) is "is this therapeutic?". And like my situation with T1, what you describe doesn't sound therapeutic.
I left. It was traumatic, painful and like re-experiencing traumatic loss all over again. I mourned him for a year. But it was the best decision I ever made for myself and my therapy. I'm so glad I took that step. So while it is immediately more traumatic to leave, if you can weather that storm with the solid support of a good therapist, it will get better. I no longer wish for any kind of relationship with T1.
Sending you  |
Yes, I agree, I think that he might view the emails as acting out, so it can help bring all the feelings into the sessions. So I'm ok with that-in that sense.
I've told him I couldn't afford a 2nd session. He realizes this limitation but has asked me if I could take a loan out. I did tell him recently that I am taking a consolidation loan out to pay medical costs and other past debt. I can use some of that loan money, very little, but it's already stretched too thin and I have no savings or disposable income.
Your advice about getting to the details is really, really helpful. We have been talking about the abstract, which causes my mind to fill in the blanks. I will ask for details next time.
I don't think there's much i can do instead. I have schizoid anxieties, so just a quick touch base with him can really make a lot of difference.
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Originally Posted by feileacan
But the frame should be there to help YOU to do the therapy work you need to do. I suggest asking why this frame is exactly the way it is. What does he suggest you do when you feel unstable next time and feel the need to email. What could you do instead? Also, have you told him you can't afford the second session? Then, if he suggests booking another session, you can ask him how does he imagine it when he knows that you can't afford it. Don't let this discussion stay abstract and high level. It has to go very specific. Otherwise I really don't know what you are talking about at all.
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