Dear T,

Tonight I opened up and showed you some of my deepest wounds.

You didn't meet me there. I scared you. I knew that this pain is ugly and I'm sorry I showed it to you. But pain doesn't come in neat little packages. Sometimes it spills out and over even though we wish it was tidy. Sometimes old pain becomes new again even though we try to contain it somehow. If I am going to love myself you have to lead the way and show me. But I don't think you can.

I will simply cry my eyes out tonight. And when I feel exhausted, I will put my pain back where it belongs, and I will do what I need to do in order to get by. I'm so very sad.
You hurt me deeply and I don't know if I can continue our work. I am crawling back into my shell. Split is better. Then the pain is contained and I can function. This is %#@&#! up. You are an arrogant %#@&#!.