My oldest child posted a picture on Facebook stating how nice it would be if people chose to be real instead of fake/perfect. My response was something to the effect of that people tend to run when things get too real. She responded that is true in my( guiltier's case) because i can be pretty scary, then followed by saying that i tend to run from people when they get too close.
I regret saying anything... as usual. I have had many people walk away and out of my life because it is just too messy. I do push people away when I'm hurting, because I can be like a wounded animal and lash out in my pain.
I would rather hurt myself than hurt anyone else because of my own pain/illness. I walked that path for too many years and still bear that guilt. Both of our comments have been deleted from Facebook and she did semi- apologize, but my feelings are hurt. I once again have been kicked in the teeth for expressing just a tiny portion of the isolation and loneliness I feel so deeply right now.
I'm trying to let it go, but no one else is home with me right now; so it's very easy to brood and play the martyr. I want to drink a glass of wine to numb out, but I know that is a bad idea. soo...