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Originally Posted by ruh roh
Hi Rainbow, I think Luce is on to something. Also, you wrote a couple posts above that your mother was not intrusive, then said you don't want to be smothering like she was. So there does seem to be something there about how connection got defined in a way that creates anxiety and, ironically, distance instead of connection.
Just curious if you have equine therapy available in your area, because when I did it one of the things I learned from the horses was how they create connection and space at the same time. For example, after the connection is made (which can take weeks), they will follow when you back away--almost like a magnetic draw--but if you make a move toward them, into their space, they will back up. I'm over simplifying it, but that's kind of the gist how part of the therapy works. It's a dance of space and connection, and they are highly intuitive and will respond to your real feelings, not outward expression. They keep people honest. It's nice because it gets you out of your head and into the experience. But it's expensive and not available everywhere.
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Equine therapy sounds interesting but I doubt that they have it near me. I'm afraid of horses, never rode one except a pony at a carnival, so I don't think it's for me anyway. It sounds fascinating though, and I think I will Google it.
Nothing is ever black or white. I know there was something wrong with the connection between my Mom and me, and I feel like she pushed me too much, but as a child I felt very much loved. I don't think I knew anything different so I it was okay. I felt alone as far as expressing emotions to my mother, or anyone else, for that matter, but I still felt I had a good childhood. That was how my family was. I didn't know how to reach out to others, how to connect. Perhaps I didn't even know what an intimate connection felt like until I started therapy. It's never simple I remember how my father sang to me lovingly and tucked me into bed when I was little. My mother and I had lots of good experiences together too. Putting the puzzle pieces together is not easy!
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Originally Posted by unaluna
 luce. Thats the problem im having with my aunts after my mothers passing, they seem intrusive to me and theres no connection! Now that i know what connection is (thanks to my t), i have no patience for their intrusiveness. But that was my mothers - whats the word, like money - how she related to people. |
I don't know what word your thinking of. Intrusive is a hard concept for me. When does it go from concern to intrusive? Luce, you point out I'm being intrusive with T. Feeling shut out makes me do it anyway. One thing I'm glad about is that I know my T understands that I'm not malicious when I cross boundaries, when I beg her to tell me her partner's name or ask her other questions. She accepts where I am and may understand it better than I do. I'm not implying that you don't understand. I think you do. I'm just pondering the fact that it's nice to have a T who accepts me.