I have so many ambivalent thoughts about this. I'm with you-I can be ok with it in a heartbeat if I know it has therapeutic purpose. That is where I"m torn.
Because--the timing. Why decrease support when someone is in a crisis? I don't see how that points to caring. On the other hand, maybe that is the best time to do it. I'll see.
I would feel like he cares if done for the right reasons, so maybe I'll get more clarity. I lot of this ambivalence is related to how my parents raised me-no parenting; no rules. I was a quiet responsible child, but by the time I was 12, i was out of control hanging out with 20 and 30 year olds, doing what young adults did. So it feels caring if he did something to help me sort of stay in control. If that is his purpose.
But given the timing, and his not disclosing feelings, along with the details, it's difficult to trust his motivations, that this is related to something 'good'.
I don't know though, what you wrote below does sound cruel. It's difficult to see that as a positive thing, but if you feel it was positive, that is what matters.
Then again, how can one tell if it's masochistic or not? I suppose you would know, but what about me. Hmm.
I do think that this type of therapy can help change the way my mind works for the better. Not sure what the cost is for that, though. One of the reasons I believe this is because of others who went through this therapy. They seem to be more content with life, and live and work really long. And have less health problems, like everything is extracted from your system. Not sure if others have thought about this. Perhaps it is 'magical thinking' that's relatively mild so goes undetected by me. (I know it doesn't mean the therapy is the cause but this is one of the reasons).
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Originally Posted by CrispApple
That really stuck out to me.
There were SO many times during my years of therapy that I felt exactly how you are right now,thinking my T wanted to get rid of me,etc.There were even times when I told him there were certain things he said or did that I liked or I thought helped me and then he would stop saying or doing them and I couldn't understand why.Sometimes I would demand an explanation but he would be very vague about it,which would upset me even more.
I realize in hindsight he wasn't being cruel or anything,I see he was doing what he thought was best,testing me,challenging me, in order to find my vulnerabilities,my weaknesses,what makes me tick.In the end,I always ended up learning more about myself and it was always helpful in the long run.
His withholding from me,at times,were so painful,but I know now were necessary for me.And I know if he had been exactly who and how I wanted him to be ,if he had done everything the way I wanted him to,I wouldn't have benefitted as much as I have.
Once,I sent a really long email,I really poured my heart out talking about some very important things I had never talked about in sessions.His response was very cold,short and invalidating.My reaction was very extreme and I didn't go to a couple of sessions,did no call no shows,almost ended up going to the hospital,etc.At the time I was so hurt,I thought he was so cruel and uncaring,but once I did go back and we talked about it(and he was vague again)I was able to understand why I reacted the way I did,why I was so triggered,and it was very beneficial.
I do see that he was triggering,many times purposely,to see my reactions.Some of them felt so heartless and cruel to me,but in reality,that was just my perception and he wasn't intentionally being heartless and cruel.He knew exactly what he was doing,I just didn't realize it at the time.
It might be that the way you are thinking and feeling right now are due to your own past,your own experiences,your own perceptions rather than any ill intentions on his behalf.
I also want to mention that all the times I wanted to quit therapy because it was too hard,left me feeling worse as each week went by and talked to him about it he said if I wasn't feeling like crap then therapy wasn't helping,that it gets worse before it gets better,that's the nature of trauma therapy.
Hang in there,you will get through this.
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Thanks Elio. Why is this? Why the lack of patience? I never noticed the 2-3 year mark. Interesting.
Hope it never happens to you!
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Originally Posted by Elio
I would be major time affected by what he did. Having watched the comments from people struggling with this and who have been with the same t for over 3 yrs; I have started to worry that when I get to the 2-3 yr mark, my t might start doing some of the same stuff all in the name of "intervention", "burn out", or "counter transference". I guess it doesn't matter the why, I don't want her to ever pull back anything she's given. I feel I need to grow out of it and away from the needs rather than being shoved out of the nest so to speak. I hope she believes this too.
I mean really, if I ever get to the place where I am as comfortable about between session contacts as she says they are ok to do and then she was to tell me that they are no longer welcomed - I would freak out. It would be devastating and extremely trauma creating.
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I'm sorry you have gone through a lot with your therapist.
I wonder sometimes if we have trauma bonds. I do think my therapist is a lot safer than how yours sounds to me. I''ll check out your post when I get a chance.
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Originally Posted by musinglizzy
I just posted about contact outside of session before reading this post. All of your feelings are mine as well. T's being one way, then changing it. For the greater good? Not so sure about that...it feels awful.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by musinglizzy
And boy do I hear you! But for me, it was once I mentioned how I liked or appreciated something she did, that's when she stopped. Gee, when I was a kid, anything I loved was taken away from me. My T is doing the same thing now....
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