So there's this guy, Clint. We met at college a few years ago and had mutual feelings, but never did anything about them (long story). For several years now, we have had intermittent contact over the phone and chatting over MSN for hours at a time, but not seen eachother face to face again. Earlier this year, we both said we loved eachother, and we were both pretty excited about this. We decided that we couldn't do the long distance thing, especially with me in school, but that if we ever lived in the same place at the same time, we would definitely pursue a relationship. And left it at that. Because neither of us could take the half-in, half-out thing, our conversations cooled down a lot and we were just friendly, but knowing we loved eachother ya know?

So... One night, we're talking and he says he's working on figuring himself out right now, but once he's ready, he plans to pursue me. Like as in, he's considering me as a potential wife. And then, oh about ONE WEEK later, he proposed to someone else and they're getting married now. He tells me this, all excited, and then tells me he wants to stay friends with me.

I told him I couldn't give him that. And I told him how angry I am at him, and he couldn't seem to understand that. And he told me that a big part of what separated us was emotional distance. Not geographic distance, because I was so emotionally distant with him.

I hear that all the time. People always tell me how I push them away and I have lost several romantic possibilities because of it, not to mention many friendships.

I have been emotionally abused and manipulated so much in my life. I just need time to let my feelings grow, and to learn that I am safe with someone. I never felt safe with Clint, and frankly, I'm still not convinced I ever WAS emotionally safe with him.

Will there ever be anyone who will think that I'm worth waiting on, even if it takes me a while to fully open up and fall in love?