How do you open up to your docs? My t said she had a strange feeling with me, like I was telling all the things that happened to me, but in a very calm way, like it was a third person they were happening to. I don't know how to open up. I think I am mostly telling the facts, but I am just saying and not showing how I feel.

I say: Well, yes, I was hypersexual and been with x people in that week, and yes I had a strong crave for taking drugs, and yes, I slept only x hours and I have racing thoughts that I cannot control.

But she says I seem so calm while saying that that it does not quite fit bipolar. Well, maybe I seem calm, but I am definitely not. I feel like I am hiding from each and every person. I wish they could see into my head.

I just don't know what opening up means: Shall I break into tears? And if I get drained completely the second that I say hi to my doc, how do I do that?

I want to open up and to be helped. Totally. I just don't want to start faking feelings to get meds and I don't know HOW to open up and really show what's going on within me. It feels impossile. Never learned it, I guess.