It's like every time I start to get better, I start getting worse instead. Can anyone relate to that? I have rapid-cycling BP, and lately my depressive episodes are happening for two days every two weeks, same as before I went in for treatment. I don’t know why the one today happened, although it was triggered by a dream that I had. My life is so radically different from that wonderful dream that all these bad thoughts just came flowing in. I did forget my morning dose yesterday, but I’ve missed doses before and this never happened, so I don’t think it’s because of that.

I tried talking to my best friend about this, but like always, he just told me to stop wallowing in self-pity and get a grip on myself and do something productive with my time, as if it’s so easy to get out of bed and do things you normally like doing. He also said something about how there’s no point to a year of therapy if it isn’t going to treat me, and what the hell is my pdoc doing? I love my friends and family, but they just don’t know how to react around me when I’m depressed, which is why I rarely ever tell them when it hits me… and then I get lonely, and that makes it worse. Like right now, when I have no one with me. My family is thousands of kilometres away, my roommate is out (somehow she’s always out when I get depressed or hypomanic – how?), and my best friend is probably sick of me. I’m so freaking lonely right now… and I’m feeling really vulnerable…

Sorry for rambling. I don’t know why anyone would bother reading this sob story of mine, but thanks if you did. Hope you have a better day than me.
Swati