Sandy,

What is going on with treatment for you? Are you taking meds? Are you receiving any counseling? Are the kids nearing the holiday break and is that placing more stress on you?

There isn't any reason for you to not reach out here. You know the guidelines of this site so you are aware of what is and isn't allowed. There is ample room for expression here.

I worry when you say you need to medicate to dampen the despair. Are you talking about self medicating with alcohol? Do you have left over meds from previously that you are currently using?

You don't have to answer any of these questions. Just know that people here care and can only support you from their computers if you allow that.

As for real life support I'm very concerned about how alone you are sounding. Is that correct? Are you completely without a single caretaking agency for your health??

Despair doesn't have to be held alone. Many here are willing to share in some of that burden. That is the beautiful thing about support forums............many people here understand how you are feeling and genuinely have a space in their heart for you. Whether or not you believe that isn't important. I know it to be true. 'nuff said.