elevated soul... you said

im going to try, its scary though
it feels like im going to have to re-live the traumas and i dont wanna do that

....................

this is one of those times I could write two different things because of possible definition conflicting with your location...

by reliving do you mean having flashbacks (thats what my location calls reliving trauma, if so I'm confused because people cant plan on having this happen, its just something that does happen to some people. even those prone to having flashbacks do not always have them every time they talk with their treatment provider about their trauma. in my location for those that do have occasional flashbacks or flashbacks during therapy my location treats this just like having hallucinations, there are medications that can help a person not be so triggered and prone to having them, they are called anti psychotics, anti depressants, anti anxiety medications. the rest of the treatment to prevent flashbacks here where I am is having a code word, this is a word the therapist and client agrees on for when the client needs to stop or that their problems are getting worse as in being triggered or their symptoms are getting worse. maybe you and your treatment provider can have a code word that will tell them when you are having your mental disorder problems or having a flashback.

if you dont mean feeling like you have to plan on having a flashback then the other thing your post makes me think of is the question ... are you afraid of .....retelling.....(which is different than reliving the trauma in my location)

a person DID or not doesnt have to retell their trauma's though it is very helpful if they do. for one thing the retelling actually helps the brain process and heal, and the other with the retelling the treatment provider can understand better what is going on in a person....

let me show you something with out a triggering situation...

I ate an apple this morning.
I ate an apple this morning, it was nice and red , juicy, and tasted sweet and tart at the same time, it made me feel less hungry physically and it made me feel so happy mentally.

on with those two sentences which one gives you a better idea of what is going on in my body and mind.... the one with more about the situation right...

well working with mental health treatment providers is like that,. the more you hide the less they know what you are going through, the more you explain to them the more they understand. doesnt mean you have to tell everything all at once, start with something easy or easier then slowly at your own pace move into the harder stuff. that way you will be able to do it and your treatment provider will be on the same page as where ever you are mentally and physically.