Does he really seem like a jerk? This thread only tells part of the story, I don't post about good things. He has stuck by me all this time. But I would have rather known long ago that there was a rigidity involved, where no matter what happens, we have to continue the status quo regardless if it works for me or not. And that I have no say in anything.

I'm feeling a lot better in terms of stability (until the trauma feelings flow in again), but the one thing that just keep eating away at me is-I'm having a lot of external struggles right now, I just don't have the mental resources to devote to this level of intensity. I want to be able to work together in a more supportive way until I get past some hurdles. He pushed me too far, past my limits and now I'm injured so to speak.

For example, really struggling with my job-it is so hard right now. And some health problems. Pushing me this hard when i have the external issues has felt damaging.

I don't understand why we can't make an adaption until I have more resources. It's like he thinks it's my childhood wishes rather than the reality of my life, like "my way or the highway". That's the worst part. Like he thinks i'm trying to manipulate him into changing to satisify childhood wishes rather than agreeing on ways of doing therapy differently so that it doable. It feels traumatizing to me that he doesn't acknowledge the struggles that I face on a daily basis.

It doesn't make sense to take on a client, then when they are in a tough spot, to say-oh, too bad, if you can't do the therapy the hard way, we can't do therapy at all. Sorry you got so attached and invested in me and opened up to me over the past 3+ years, but now you have to go find someone else and start over from the beginning and go through the whole process of trusting, attaching, opening up, telling your story all over. Adding another 3-4 years onto your therapy process....including going through dozens of therapists to find the right one.

And now that you are emotionally, mentally, and cognitively drained from this therapy, good luck materializing and sustaining the will, motivation and energy to start over again! Sorry you tried so hard and devoted so much effort to make things work all this time only to end up having to start over from the beginning again. Sorry, take care!

He didn't say this, but when I bring it up, I have a feeling this will be the result.

I'm mentally drained right now. I have no resources to leverage. Like finding outside support-I can't even manage the appointments and meetings and to do list I have, and they are adding up. Thinking of adding another 'task' adds to my overwhelment. Such as making time for a new friend, for example. I can't even get my daily tasks done, let alone invest in relationships. I need to get caught up and take care of things that exist now. I can't manage my affairs now, let alone add more.


Thanks Elio. That was really sweet. It's been so long since I heard any kind words from another human being. It's been really supportive here.