I am not sure. I am just aware of the similarity between how your mother was with you, and how you are with your T.
You said you 'shut your mother out' (like didn't tell her about when you were hurt) and it feels like there is a connection there with how you react and feel when *you* yourself are shut out from T's life.

Your mother wanted connection with you but didn't know how to forge a genuine one, so she was too 'there' in your life and was overprotective and a worrier. More than what was healthy. Sometimes you had to protect yourself by shutting her out.

You want a connection with your t but don't know how to forge a genuine one, so you want to be involved in her life beyond the boundaries of the T relationship, and you worry and obsess about her. More than what is healthy. Sometimes you get 'more', and it temporarily feels good. But it never sticks, because it isn't authentic connection. So you keep trying to get more.And then it gets to the point where T needs to protect herself by 'shutting you out' (defining the boundaries). When you feel shut out it blocks off the possibility of you getting in - your way of trying to connect - thus your abandonment fears get triggered and you feel even more driven to find your way 'in'.

As I said I could be totally wrong. I am just saying what I have noticed. I do know that from birth to six our parents model for us what it is to 'be human', for better or for worse. Which is pretty much how human development works - we copy what we know, and what we know is how our parents are with us. We unconsciously become them (unless we consciously do something about it, that is!)