All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY. Moreover, narcissism is a SPECTRUM of behaviors - from the healthy to the utterly pathological (known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD).
But the "malignant" narcissist consistently manifests at least 5 of these 9 criteria.
The DSM IV uses this language:
"An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts."
So, what matters is that these characteristics, often found in healthy people, appear:
1. Jointly and not separately or intermittently
2. They are all-pervasive (invade, penetrate, and mold every aspect, nook, and cranny of the personality)
3. That grandiose fantasies are abundantly discernible
4. That grandiose (often ridiculous) behaviors are present
5. That there is an over-riding need for admiration and adulation ("narcissistic supply")
6. That the person lacks empathy (regards other people as two dimensional cartoon figures and abstractions, unable to "stand in their shoes")
7. That all these phenomena began, at the latest, in early adolescence
8. That the narcissistic behaviors pervade all the social and emotional interactions of the narcissist.
Here are the 9 criteria. Having 5 of these 9 "qualifies" you as a narcissist...
1. Feels grandiose and self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequaled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion
3. Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)
4. Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).
5. Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations
6. Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends
7. Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others
8. Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her
9. Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.
The language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from:
American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition (DSM IV). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.
referenced from:
http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/6-5-2002-19788.asp
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Some head-shrinker once postulated that I am a narcissist, however I only satisfy two of the criteria, and elements of 2 more - specifically 3 & 5 in full, and to a much lesser degree 7 & 9...I'll acknowledge other peoples feelings, but I'm not willing to identify with them, and though I'm arrogant, withdrawal rather than rage is my reaction to frustration, confrontation, or contradiction. Also, my narcissism is a defensive mechanism I constructed in my late twenties (hardly adolescence) to counteract the negative aspects of a borderline personality disorder I'd been suffering from for years.
So I believe benign narcissism exists - I consider myself an example of it compared to the really pathological variety.