Thanks LIW!

I went out with a friend. And then just cause I'm on fire at the moment had a minor car accident. It was my fault. It happened outside a pub where the patrons decided to abuse and heckle me. Maybe it was the lithium but I didn't react. I just felt numb at the abuse.

So I exchanged details and then I got a message from the guy who then rang saying that the vehicle was a write off. ********. I told him he was a scammer and I would let my insurance to deal with him.

But I then got totally anxious. Maybe I shouldn't be driving? I do feel foggy at the moment.

I came back to my mums who could see I was shook up.

I'm so tired. I really struggle to see a future and a way. I've done some really positive things to try to turn this around and am forcing myself to work, but I am so tired.

I really do appreciate the replies. I don't want to come across as a whiner.

People say be positive and I do get that. And I do have some stuff going for me. But I must say that I feel like I need a break.

This depression phase has probably been the longest stretch. I kind of long for mania to get out of this.

Does anyone ever think that it's the meds that do it to us? I know they don't but I am just at a loss. My pdoc is a great guy but sometimes I think his only answer is more medications.

They say it turns around and I know from my own experience it does but I don't think I can keep going into this depression which seems to hold longer and longer each year.

Sometimes you know with a suicide thought I only hold on because of the pain of it and the embarrassment caused to my family. It's selfish I think that way.